My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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