You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
