After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
