My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
