R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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