i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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