I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
