wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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