rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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