I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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