did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
