Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
