Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
