I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
