She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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