I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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