Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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