Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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