i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
