wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
