you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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