someone threw a dead crab at me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
