She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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