I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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