2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
