my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
