you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
