this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
