I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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