If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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