There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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