the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
