it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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