We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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