my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
