YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
