dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
