She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
