dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
