my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sarcasm needs its own font
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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