I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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