At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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