You can't motorboat a personality
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
