well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
