i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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