i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
