That's intense
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
