put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
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i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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