the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
