I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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