Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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