I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
