i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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