I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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