If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
