i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
