So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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