I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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