It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
