She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
