Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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