youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
