I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
