Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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