I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
