Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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