white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No subtext here. People are naked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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