it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize