i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
